Monday, 18 February 2008

Happy Valentine's Day Dad.


So, the other day was the anniversary of my Dad's death. It is a day after Valentines Day and it always makes me very reflective. This year was no different. I wasn't sad in particular. It was a day without him, and this year, a day without my daughter as well, which was weird but getting more normal I suppose. 

My family and close friends know that my Dad was not an easy man. He was moody and cranky and there was a gulf between us. However, I have good things to look back on and be grateful for. One of them was Valentine's Day. I'll back up a sec to say that no matter what the holiday was - Christmas, Hallowe'en, Easter, St. Patrick's Day, or Valentine's, my Dad went out of his way to be in a good mood all day and to really make the duration of the holiday special. This is a huge legacy he left because I don't have too many cliché hang ups about holidays being all awful and full of family angst etc.

It's just that in our family Valentine's day wasn't so much about romance as it was about family. It wasn't so much about the evening out as it was about a special breakfast setting. Throughout the rest of the year, the norm rather than the exception was to eat breakfast separately. We all had different schedules etc. so it wasn't very often (i'm sure that a lot of families experience this) that we shared the breaking of the morning fast. 

So back to the hole that is left by my Dad at Valentine's day. Every day since I was a little girl, when I woke up in the morning and saw the breakfast table laid out with all of our plates there, there would always be a heart shaped box of chocolates for me as well as for my Mom. He never let me feel left out of this holiday shaped by the world to be about romantic love. I didn't have it and there was no one else to place the box there but him. He never missed one. Except the last day. Just a box of chocolates, just one day a year. Looking back it meant the world.

Thanks Dad.

3 comments:

joanna said...

I love reading your blog to find out new things about you. I either didn't know this or had forgotten this - what a lovely tradition. It's so great that on a day that for so many is about whether or not you have a beau, your Dad made it about you knowing your Father's love.
When I think of your dad, my first memory is always the picture of him wearing the Santa hat, and the second is of him standing at the toaster oven, cooking dinner for your Mum and himself. He was always just so kind to me, which I felt so honoured about.

Jan said...

Yeah, it's kind of bittersweet that he could make such a difference when he tried. Makes you wonder what it would have been like had he chosen to live everyday like that. Also, I'm glad you felt he was kind to you, most of my friends, well most of my childhood friends anyway, were just afraid of him lol.

Anne said...

I often think the same about my dad. I think he shares a few of the same tendencies as your father did. Maybe it makes the good, happy days seem so much nicer in comparison?
I'm glad that your dad left you with that legacy. Personally, I think that's what Valentine's day should be about. A day for you to tell EVERYONE you care about that you love them. Sounds like your dad did a really good job of that :).